Act one · FallingThe romance is invented. The dates are not.
The meet-cute
She arrives in Austin to represent Wimberley and Woodcreek. Her first session produces a firearms preemption law and no water legislation. Back home, a man from Pennsylvania has just pumped about 89 million gallons over his permit in the 2022 drought. She doesn't notice him yet. Everyone else does.
He has a past
The district fines Aqua about $449,000. Instead of paying, Aqua sues the district in federal court, claiming unequal treatment. Jacob's Well stops flowing. A bad boy with a legal team. Her type.
The grand gesture
Some people write poems. She writes HB 2812. Per Texas Monthly, it would have done one thing: exempt Aqua and other big regulated pumpers from any oversight by the local groundwater district. Hays County commissioners pass a resolution against it. It dies in committee. She later says, "I filed that bill to get attention, plain and simple." It worked. He noticed.
Act two · The obstacles
04
April 30 – May 26, 2025
The rival suitor
SB 2660 rides into town: passed by the Senate 31 to 0, backed by every Hays County commissioner of both parties and the mayors of Wimberley and Woodcreek. It would let the district charge fees on large pumpers. A Republican commissioner says there was "only one factor" hindering support: her. It sneaks onto SB 1253. The House passes it 112 to 28, and she votes yes. Then she says she was misled and moves to reconsider. Fails, 57 to 73.
The love letters
She texts constituents: the bill means mandatory metering on private landowners. Per Texas Monthly, metering was optional and the tax ban stayed; she acknowledged the metering claim was a mistake. On June 5 the district votes, in writing, never to meter or charge fees on household or ag wells. Her campaign site answers: "They said they wouldn't. But they tried." Love doesn't read resolutions.
Someone objects at the wedding
The governor vetoes SB 1253. The district's general manager says the area is back where it started. The rival suitor leaves town. Aqua keeps pumping. The couple is safe.
Act three · The dark moment
He asks for more
Safe from the district, Aqua files for a raise at the Public Utility Commission: 23.4% more water revenue, 51.8% more sewer revenue, and $4.5 million in legal fees, some from the rate case he already lost. Woodcreek votes 5 to 0 to say no. It's in the next section. Bring tissues. And a checkbook.
The rebound
A data hall tour. A Facebook post: data centers "aren't just about tech they're about building a stronger future!" Later she says she'd prefer they not come to the Hill Country, but calls them critical infrastructure and wants parameters, not a ban. Aqua sees the post. Aqua says nothing. Aqua is also a utility that would love new customers.
Watch the sequel: Love at First Byte
Independent parody and commentary made by a private citizen. Not paid for, authorized or coordinated by any candidate, campaign or political committee.